Words in Pen: Domestic violence on Men( Experiences of Men as Victims of Domestic violence). written by Faith Hauwa Adama... A publication of I Am Best Magazine - FAITH ADAMA'S BLOG

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Tuesday, 28 November 2017

Words in Pen: Domestic violence on Men( Experiences of Men as Victims of Domestic violence). written by Faith Hauwa Adama... A publication of I Am Best Magazine






I remember  the first  time  I was involved  in a group discussion  about  domestic  violence  among men, My friends and I talked extensively about stories  being told daily of men being  violated and how it seems  like no one really cares about  the men.
Don't  get me  wrong, I am not disputing  the fact that majority  of the violence  cases  come  from  ladies but that doesn't actually  mean  we  should  ignore  the men going  through  violence. So someone  shared a story  to me about  a mom and son, the mom was giving  her  4year old a bath and he said to his mum  'you are touching  my thing(penis) ,only  my teacher  touches  it....' That's definitely  child abuse to me. I don't get why  the society  is quiet  about  a lot of violence surrounding  men. Another  story that circulated the  internet  a short time ago is that of a step mother  castrating her step son. Although  she faced  the full wrought  of the  law yet, the noise made about it was quite mild. This might  be the last one for me but it really  got to me, I met this man one time and he told be about  how his  friend's dad tried  to rape him when he was much younger. I dont know if it's  alright  to call that rape, but to me it is still forceful sexual intercourse just that this time with someone of the same gender. As I continue  writing , I will bring up some more instances.

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Domestic violence is most commonly thought of as intimate partner violence, but can also include violence or abuse from a family member.
This definition makes  it OK to say that domestic  violence  comes either from an intimate partner  or a family  member.
Model: Maigirma Wuta-Wuta

TYPES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Whenever  people  hear domestic  violence  all that comes to their mind is "sexual abuse" but the truth is that domestic  violence  cuts across all aspects of life.

Physical Abuse
This kind of abuse is mostly  associated  with slapping, kicking, battering, stabbing, shooting, choking. The victims of physical violence do not necessarily end up hospitalized but are left with the stigma of their experience  to  deal with.

Emotional Abuse
This is simply  the destruction  of  the victim's self worth. It is brought  about by  persistent criticism, comparison, insult,  humiliation and its mostly  common among spouses and those in an intimate  relationship. It hardly ever stands alone as a form of domestic violence  as it is combined  with other forms of domestic  violence. This is common among men. A woman is known to be naturally loud and outspoken and she says whats on  her mind without considering how the recipient feels at the time(man).  Women violate men emotionally, they  tell them things that they (women ) cannot tolerate.

Sexual Abuse
This is the most common  type of domestic violence and it is forceful sexual intercourse. One would ask that how can a man be raped, isn't he so strong? This costly assumption makes the public close their eyes to the fact that men are sexually abused everyday some by their teachers in school, others by their female /male older neighbors and some others  by their domestic workers.  Yes it happens.

STATISTICS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN
Research has it that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. (CDC, 2017


Signs Of Domestic Violence In Men.
As a parent or member of  the society, it is very important to know the signs  associated with male victims of domestic violence . Men are generally  egocentric and so most times its difficult to know when they are victimised, but  here are a few signs  to know.

Drug /Alcohol Addiction.
This sign is usually  common among  the male teenagers and young adults. Alcohol and drug is seen as an escape route by victims. It is seen as a way the victim takes off his mind from the ugly experience  he must have encountered and the truth is that it only  worsens the situation as alcohol /drug addiction can further lead to mental illness, kidney problems and many other health negative conditions.



DepressionThis sign is really common as the victim suffers  depression, they become really sad and hurt. They begin to conceive  unhealthy  thoughts that could end up disastrous. Depression kills slowly because of its over thinking  effect.

Anger
Everything  begins to annoy the victim, the  victims  usually become very aggressive to prevent future occurrence of experience, they also become  really  defensive.

Low  Self -Esteem
The victims usually begin to have a self -esteem drop just because of previous experience. This is where withdrawal syndrome comes to place.
There are various other  signs of domestic violence  in men. It takes being observant to see the signs.

Help! I am a man I am a Victim of Domestic Violence!
You are  not alone in it. Statistics shows that half of the victims of domestic violence  world wide are men. You read about men like you, that are scared but they do not know they  are too embarrassed to talk about it, " Oh! People  will think I am a weakling, I am a man for crying out loud", but in being  all manly don't forget  you are human too and you deserve to be happy.

Talk To Someone
Talking  to someone might not be the easiest thing to do,but is usually really cool. "A problem shared is half solved" .A counsellor is always  the best person  to talk to, they are trained to figure out the best way out of your problem.

Walk out
A woman who constantly compares you  to others, is very insolent and very abusive  in your relationship with her, will get worst after  marriage, if fixing things doesn't work,walk out. Someone out there will value you. If you are already married  then it's necessary  to see a marriage  counsellor together  .


Misconceptions The Society Has About Domestic  Violence  On Men.
-A child is a child, girl or boy, abuse is abuse ,A boy child is not any different from a girl child emotionally, as the society may presume, more boys have their self esteem reduced everyday from our negligence.

-When a woman is obviously  abusing her husband  voodoo(black magic)  is blamed on, "Na jazz,She Don jazz am", people hardly think  that the  man is suffering from domestic violence.

-Women don't want to get slapped but slap men first, why start what you can not finish.

-Its OK for a woman to say a whole  lot of things without considering a man's feeling, but  a man says one thing and he might even get arrested for it.

Finally, I wanna say that "we all have hearts, Men do too. Don't hurt them(men) because  they are men, they do not have super strength or they are not super men. They are also human like you and I. Together let's stop domestic violence  on men,it starts with you
-Written by Faith Hauwa Adama

Profile of the writer:
Name: Faith Hauwa Adama
State of Origin: Niger State
Tribe: Nupe.
writer:Faith Hauwa Adama
She is a blogger{visit her blog:www.faithadama.com}.
 She is a journalist,VJ(Video Jockey), humanitarian,inspirational speaker and OAP
She loves writing, interacting with like minds and learning from them.
Her  meal is anything delicious.
Meet her on Fb:Faithy Hauer Adama

About the Model:
Name: Nahum Chikudu Yusuf(Maigirma)
State of Origin: Abuja,FCT
Favourite meal: Jollof Rice
Hobbies: Window shopping, social networking.
Model: Maigirma Wuta-Wuta

He is a Gbagyi man, Single and searching. He Loves social gist and meeting people. He is also a church boy and a lover of honesty .
He Studied Political Science from IBB university.
He is a professional model, publicist and he does personality branding.
Contact him via the following:
Email: [email protected]
Fb: maigirma wuta-wuta
Phone number:08163111014


This project is supported by:
-www.Maigirma.blogspot.com:
-www.faithadama.com:
- SayItPoetry
-The Candle

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