Is Infidelity in Lagos the worst in Nigeria? - FAITH ADAMA'S BLOG

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Saturday, 10 March 2018

Is Infidelity in Lagos the worst in Nigeria?



The boldness with which married people cheat in Lagos is so, so appalling. How did the city get here?

It hasn’t particularly been a great few weeks for married people in Lagos.

First a Twitter user opened up on how she heard five married women casually sharing with each other details of their extra-marital activities.
And then there’s the tragic gist of the cheating pair who died while having sex in a car in Ogba. Both of deceased were married and in fact, the man in question was a close friend of the woman’s husband.

This is not to free cheats in other Nigerian towns and cities from blame and scorn, because they are also terrible. Probably not just as bad as the Lagos breed of cheats.

That cheating is bad is something that seemingly can’t be said enough. But it’d be appear that Lagos couples either don’t hear any of these or they just don’t subscribe to the idea of marital exclusivity.

Such is the blatant flouting of marital vows in Lagos that both married men and women unabashedly hit you up, soliciting sex with or without the promise of money. And this is not just some usual sugar mummy parole I am talking about here.

Some young, newly-weds do not even wait to leave their wedding venue before planning their next booty call. The shamelessness cuts through age boundaries, to be very sincere.

Paul is a bachelor in Lagos who works hard and hardly stays at home except on weekends. That does not stop his 30-something-year-old married neighbour from making moves on him.

“My neighbor – a pretty married woman – would always try to initiate conversation with me and when that didn’t work, she got my phone number from our gateman and kept calling me for a hangout with her.

“She even invited me to go with her to an event at her place of work. I always politely rejected her advances. Maybe if I had rudely rebuffed her, she would have kept a distance,”  says the Lagos big boy.

The married woman is still on his case at the time he shared this piece of information with me.

Joe has a similar story and so does AJ, both of whom have been hit on by married women in their 30’s and 50’s respectively.

Obviously married men are just as bad as women at this.

If a corrupt politician dies every time a married man hit up another [married or unmarried] woman for extra marital affairs, corruption’s hatchet would have long been buried in the country. It is really that bad.

Tolani is in her 20s and has been in Lagos all her life. She has seen so much of Lagos married men to have the opinion that way over 80% of them cheat on their wives.

“What’s most annoying is how disrespectful they are about it.

“They and their wives live here in Lagos, have friends, go to church, have business associates and know the same people littered all over the city.

“Yet these men have no qualms taking their side chics out on dates where they’ll like be seen by someone that knows about their marriage,” she says animatedly.

To underscore her point, she shows me messages on her Instagram, where a family man who looks to be in his late 30's is still pestering her with romantic advances.

That man actually has a pretty wife and three kids, pictures of whom are littered all over his Instagram timeline.

Make no mistake about it, cheating and unfaithfulness did not just start now. And this is not just in Lagos alone.

The whole of our society - as pious, chaste, prim and proper as we like to tout ourselves as a people - has always thrived on sneaky relationships and covert sexual activities.

People like to talk about the good old days, about a time when society was saner and collectively more well-behaved. But even then, men still had reasons to put Magun on their wives.

Magun is a Yoruba charm that men secretly put on their wives on the suspicion that she’s being unfaithful. Anyone who sleeps with such woman will die if quick remedy is not found.

If there was need for such deadly test of faithfulness, what does it say of the old generation we always hold up as a beacon of sanctity and virtue?

The only difference that exists between then and now is just the brazenness with which these married people go about their indiscretions.

Back in the day people would normally be scared about the  social disparagement and shame that results from such behaviour.

These days, one hears and sees so many cases of bold cheating in Lasgidi – even among unmarried partners - that it feels as if Lagosians that cheat  do not even give a damn whether they get caught or not.

And when exactly did it become this bad?

Lagos is the most economically and socially-advanced of all Nigerian states and this slimy underbelly seems to have festered as the city grew.

That celebrated growth apparently had the city assimilating a lot of external influences, both good and [supposedly] bad.

More likely, the popular belief among women that every man cheats could also be responsible for the laid-back attitude this city now has to cheating.

Many women believe that cheating is 'normal' and that a man only owes his wife enough respect to not make her see or know know about his unfaithfulness.

Jola, a media personnel says; "Many women actually don't care that men have side-chics these days. They just don't want to see it or know how he goes about it.

"So far he respects them enough to make them the main chic and keeps the side bae away from their homes, they're good."

What we have as a result of this perspective is not just a free pass for men to cheat but also a full blown culture of revenge-cheating.

Women know their partners are almost certainly cheating, so they're out here getting themselves sugar sons, sexual partners and boy toys.

This is why wanton decadence among married men and women in Lagos now appears evenly split.

The two lovers mentioned above, who died while having car sex in broad daylight on a Sunday, were afterall both married.

I was born in Lagos and I’ve spent almost all my life here. In close to thirty years, I have seen, heard and read so many occurrences about married people in this city that it's going to take a lot to convince me that there are more indecorous married people anywhere in Naija than here.

I really do believe that of all the cheating scum in the country, unfaithful married people in Lagos are the worst of the lot.
(Pulse NG)